Feeling irked that your man is already dating someone else right after you broke up? Here’s a rundown on why he’s dating someone else already, and what you can do to hook his interest in you.
First of all, there’s a simple reason for why your man is dating someone new. It’s called a rebound relationship, and it serves a simple purpose: to alleviate emotional pain.
When we break up, it’s very difficult to transition from being with someone all the time to being totally alone. For this reason, people often seek out rebound relationships to alleviate this discomfort.
(The human psyche is motivated by two things: to AVOID pain and SEEK pleasure. So getting into a new relationship helps him avoid pain, and get pleasure from being with someone else. The exact person isn’t as important as simply the reduction of pain for your ex.)
Now, here’s what you can do to get him back.
1. Distance yourself for a while.
Recognize that any relationship he’s in is probably temporary – a rebound. So you have all the time in the world to get away from him and get YOUR emotions in check.
Forget about the other woman; she’s not even important.
Take this time for yourself to heal emotionally from the pain. Distract yourself with healthy outlets such as exercise, your favorite hobbies and interests, and by hanging out with your friends.
This is also known as the “no contact rule,” where you minimize or completely cut out contact with your ex to avoid talking about the breakup, or getting into a fight.
2. Look at the situation with a rational mind.
Right after a breakup, you’re going to be feeling extremely emotional. All the negative emotions and memories are going to be playing around in your mind. That is totally okay – and you should allow those emotions to come and go.
After the initial “breakup insanity” has passed, you can start thinking more rationally about the breakup. Was your really as great as it seemed? Were there major problems the two of you just couldn’t work out, that might contribute to bigger issues down the road?
Look at the situation objectively. It will help you get perspective on whether or not you really do want to get back together with this guy.
3. Finally break the no contact period with a brief get-together.
When you do contact your ex again, don’t have the goal in mind of getting together for two hours to talk about your failed relationship.
Instead, have your goal be simply to get SEEN by your ex. And if you followed step 1 and really focused on making yourself as secure and happy as you could be, he’ll see an attractive woman. The “new you.”
So when you get together for the first time after the breakup, meet somewhere informal – over coffee. Keep it short, as well. 30 minutes is a good first get-together time period.
Also, keep your conversation limited to positive topics – and neutral ones, not emotionally charged ones. So avoid the breakup – talk about your career, hobbies, interests, whatever. Try to avoid talking about who you’re dating or anything like that. Just make the whole thing very informal.
