I have learned from coping with being a support person for different mentally ill individuals that what is appreciated today may be seen as a negative act in the future. For example, I have run errands, arranged for housekeeping, and cooked and taken meals prepared to a mentally ill person and got rave reviews at the time and profuse thanks. Later when this person was not taking his medications and paranoid about everyone and everything I was accused of trying to run his life. At the time I had a full time job, a house, a husband, 3 children at home in sports, music groups, church activities, etc. and many community activities myself. I certainly didn’t need anyone else’s life to run!
I sometimes have to make myself push a little to insist the mentally ill person does all they can for themselves and show them how rather than doing it for them. I am not usually popular when I do this, but I try to help them be as independent as possible and stretch to try something that may be a challenge.
I am not always available when something is needed so that they have to rely on themselves or ask for help from someone else that they may not be as comfortable in asking. Building confidence in a mentally ill person is a long, slow process with many back slides, but it is so rewarding to see progress.
I am still taken aback when I get accused of being too nosy or trying to run everything since I am trying to make life better for my friend or loved one. However, I realize this, too , is a part of spreading their wings and being more independent. It can be a very fine line between doing too much for a person and failing to do enough.